My dying wish was always to write this book. I wanted to be understood. I wanted my death to be understood. Every time I thought I was ready to end it and didn't it was because my story was yet untold. The book wasn't finished. My life and my death would mean nothing. So it kept me going. Of course when you initially plan to publish something only after you die you tend to write more truth. It's deeper. You can say what you want to say without fear of unwanted exposure or embarrassment. The depth to this book is that of one written with the intent that no one would ever read it. Primarily based on journal entries, this is a memoir like no other. With unmatched authenticity, it is a must read for anyone struggling with addiction, depression, identity, or self harm.